Suicidal ? Join The Navy

There is a disturbing trend happening in the U.S.A. navy. Every week a person employed by this great institution is murdered. I know this because I watch Gibbs, DiNozzo, Ziva and the rest of the NCIS team solve the crime. Amazingly they do it in just half an hour. I don’t know how much these people get paid but it should be a lot.

What I find truly extraordinary is the almost total disinterest from the media. Even more so when you realise that there is a NCIS in Los Angeles. You may have seen them as well. It is the stereotypical line up. There is the hard white guy with a heart of gold, the black guy, small appearances from the good looking woman and the token geek. Bizarrely they are led by a female hobbit. Not too sure what that is about, comic relief perhaps.

Back to the point. Los Angeles. I can only assume from this that every state has a NCIS. That means every week, in every state, a naval employee is murdered. It is amazing that they have any left. I am not too sure what the average lifespan of a naval officer is, but when you add in wars over fictional weapons of mass destruction, it can’t be very long.

This leads me to the question, why would anyone join the navy ? After much thought I can only think of two. Firstly the navy would look like a fantastic option if you were suicidal but didn’t have the guts to go through with it. However, having a force of depressed chickens really wouldn’t make the population feel safe. Perhaps that is why the media tends to shy away from the subject, they don’t want to start a mass panic. Very noble of them.

The only other reason for somebody to join the navy is to rise through the ranks and get a job at NCIS so they can meet Abby. That is certainly understandable. I would love to meet her. (massive crush over here if you can’t tell)

Personally I think it would be a lot easier to become a tattoo artist, paint your fingernails black and hang out in goth bars. Just stay away from the ones where navy personel hang out. They could be very dangerous.

Weird Facts

The kangaroo got its name when the first Australian white settlers saw the strange creature. They asked the local Aboriginies what it was who answered kanguru, which means 'I don't understand'.

To "testify" comes from the Roman court where men swore on their testicles that their statement was true.

Cat urine glows under a black-light.

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off.

The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

A ducks quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

Australia's first police force was a band of 12 of the most well behaved Convicts.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

A species of earthworm in Australia grows up to 10 feet in length.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

In Natoma, Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Thomas Edison, lightbulb inventor, was afraid of the dark.

It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.


I think you have wasted enough time. Get back to work.

Mathmatical Proof You Should Be Creative

Mathmatics is considered the purest of all sciences. It is at the core of everything. Today I am going to use maths to prove that you should follow your creative dreams. Wether you want to paint landscapes, design skateboards or knit hats for wombles, it really doesn’t matter.

Now most people, possibly you, never even try to turn their creative talents into a business. They think that no one will be interested enough to buy their wares. It remains forever a dream.

Even the most pessimistic person would have to agree there is always a slight chance, however slim, that someone will want to buy whatever it is. For arguments sake lets assume that Mr. Pessimistic said there is a one in a billion chance.

There is roughly 7 billion people on this planet. That means even at those high odds, 7 people will want to buy your stuff. However the truth is you are selling yourself short using those odds.

Didn’t your mother ever tell you that you are one in a million ? Yep, that means there are 7000 people on this planet just like you. 7000 guaranteed to love your stuff.

That is not the end of the story though. Look at your friends. They are not exactly like you, yet they understand you. They get you. How many friends have you got ? How many have you had in the past ? At school, co-workers, drinking pals at the pub, whatever. Most people could easily think of 30 people that they have really gotten along with.

Given the one in a million rule, that is 210,000 people worldwide. Add in the 7000 that are just like you and we have 217,000 people that would want to purchase your creative endeavours.

I can already hear the pessimists. How often do you expect all these people going to buy, once in a blue moon ? Good question.

Well a blue moon occurs when you get a fourth full moon in a season. This happens every 2 to 3 years. To keep those pesky pessimists happy lets round it down and go with 3 years. That gives us 70000 sales a year. If you make just 2 dollars per sale, that is $140,000 per year. Not bad huh.

Unfortunatley that is not the end of the story. Those are potential numbers, potential sales. The problem is all those people have to know you have your stuff for sale before they can buy it.

So the question is how on earth do you let them all know about your products ? To be honest, I can’t answer that as I am still trying to figure it out myself. I just wanted to prove that if you want to make money from your creativity, it is possible. Hopefully inspire you to pursue your dreams. Maths doesn’t lie.

Wet And Wild

Gently rub the outside getting it nice and wet.

Make sure you rub it all over.

Slip two fingers inside, three if it is really big.

Move those fingers around inside it.

Rub it up and down.

Now that is how you wash a cup.

Mona Lisa Mystery Explained

'The Makeover' by Pro_Artz

For centuries people have wondered just who the Mona Lisa was and why she has that sly smirk on her face. Well thanks to the wonders of modern technology we finally have the answer.

The picture above is what she would look like with a modern makeover. With that done you can quite clearly see that the Mona Lisa is a transsexual. Now you know the reason for that “I know something that you don’t” look. It has to do with the surprise package in her pantaloons.

Obviously when the original was painted, homosexuality was frowned upon by the Church, forcing Leonardo to subtly hide the truth. The secret has been hidden in plain view for all these years.

Personally I can’t wait for The DaVinci Code part 2 - Uncanny Tranny. That will really get the Catholics knickers in a knot.

This could also partially explain the homosexual love of all things Cher. Isn’t modern technology grand.

Summer Daze

Yeah it is summer down here at the arse end of the world. Days so hot that all the Pommie backpackers think they are dying and the nights are not much cooler. You can't sleep properly and walk around in a light headed, alcohol fueled daze. The wild grass is all dead, covering the land in a golden shimmer under cloudless blue skys. You can walk anywhere and check out the tanned hunnies wearing next to nothing. Music festivals everywhere. Damn I love this time of year.

Summer Daze by standoutloud

They Are Egging Me On.

I had to quickly run into the shops today to grab a couple of things. Walking in I was blinded by reflected light from garish Easter eggs. I may have suffered permanent eye damage. I realise that Easter is a movable holiday but 4 days after New Years is a bit ridiculous.

On second thoughts, perhaps the shops are reminding us of the true meaning of Christmas after the sillyness of the shopping season. I know the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw the eggs was JESUS CHRIST !

Much more likely is a push for another pseudo religious holiday to make us spend more money. We could all nail chocolate bunnies to crosses. That would be fun.