Thursday, September 15, 2011

Standoutlouds Cat

Once upon a time scientists made great discoveries and inventions. These are the people of history that we all look up to. Their names live on as true geniuses. Einstien, Curie, Newton, Tesla, Galileo, Darwin, Edison etc.

The scientists of today just give me the shits. It seems every week I hear about some new study that proves something we all already knew, usually at a cost of millions to us tax payers.

What exactly is the problem, has everything been discovered and invented already? What a load of pish. Now I am no scientific genius but even I can do better than that. I believe that my experiments deserve just as much funding as all those hacks out there. Take this brilliance of mine for example.

Firstly take a cat and tape magnets to its side. Then tape a buttered piece of toast to its back. Now push it off the table. We will see the effect of two scientific laws at work. Namely “cats always land on their feet” and “toast will always land butter side down”. These two scientific laws will act against each other forcing the cat/toast combo to spin continuously in mid air.

Just place a coils of copper wire wrapped around an iron core around this spinning mass. The spinning magnets and the wire will produce alternating current electricity, much like the alternator in your car. This will single handedly solve the worlds power and air pollution problems. No more reliance on fossil fuels.

Now I just need to create a breed of cats that don’t need feeding or suffer from nausea. I think 20 million dollars in government funding should cover it.

Forget Schrodingers cat, welcome to the world of Standoutlouds cat.

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