Saturday, April 23, 2011
It is that time of the year when all the neighbourhood kids are climbing the walls late at night, unable to sleep because of a chocolate induced sugar buzz. Yes Easter is here. A time to get together to celebrate a guy that died over 2000 years ago by eating the sweet, foil wrapped droppings of a giant rabbit.
I have been spending some time trying to figure out just what all this Easter Bunny stuff is about. I now have a theory.
Firstly lets compare this rabbit to his nearest contemporary - Santa Claus. Santa is married and surrounds himself with little slaves called elves. He keeps himself busy most of the year making toys, checking lists, caring for reindeer and such. He is jolly and will always speak to everyone when he is in town.
The Easter Bunny by comparison could be best described as a quiet loner. The kind of person the neighbours claim never made any trouble until he tortured and killed 63 postmen.
I can only assume this rabbit spends most of his time raping kidnapped chickens in his basement to get all those eggs. He then hides these eggs everywhere to lure children away from their parents. He won’t take the children though. Oh no, he is much too cunning for that. He just likes too watch from the bushes.
I believe the master plan is to kill off the human race via cholesterol overdoses and diabetes. Then and only then will the rabbits truly own the Earth.