Monday, January 31, 2011

Hide Your Asses

One of the major differences between Australia and the rest of the world is the use of the word thong. Down Under it means a style of casual footwear known elsewhere as a flip flop. The sexy piece of underware known as a thong elsewhere is called a g-string here. This has lead to quite a bit of embaressment to travelers as you can quite imagine.

I bring this up so I can explain about a disturbing trend that I see happening again this year. The t-bar. For those of you not familiar with the term, this is a style of showing your underware above your pants. It is females wearing g-strings up high with their pants low, creating a T shape at the back above the belt line.

Sounds great doesn’t it. Unfortunately there are always some idiots that ruin it for all of us. I have seen a few lately that have got it completely, gut wrenchingly wrong.

Firstly, if you are overweight this look isn’t for you. Period. I was standing behind one such example the other night. At first I couldn’t work out why she had a piece of elastic wrapped tightly around her waist, making her look like a xmas ham. Then the realisation that the rest had been swallowed by the copious ass cheeks left me feeling queasy.

Secondly, if you are going to do the t-bar, do some maintenance back there. Wisps of bum hair peeking out is not doing you any favours. It is like looking at porn from the seventies. What are you thinking ? Would you be happy if your mans penis had sideburns ?

I can understand that you might be a bit pale in that area and have no problem with a little fake tan. Just don’t go overboard and make yourself look like you have been rolling around in a giant bag of doritos. The only reason to do this is is if you are trying to trick hungry drunkards into licking you.

Lastly this a young persons fashion. If you are too old don’t do it. If you have to ask if you are too old you are. Nobody wants to see your wrinkled cellulite flapping around.

The thing that really gets to me about all this though is the fact that their friends don’t tell them. Seriously girls, if your friends don’t tell you that you look like a complete fool, it is time to get some new friends. If you can’t tell your friend that she just isn’t working that look, you don’t deserve to be her friend.


  1. That is to funny. The T-Bar as you say is also know as t a whale tail in the states..

    I love reading your stuff very entertaining.

  2. A whale tail - I like that. Better not go to Japan you might get harpooned.

  3. Another good one! Maybe next you can cover the differences between the meaning of "fanny" in the US and in Aus.

  4. Lol. Yeah I remember the first time we came across the show "the nanny". We all burst out laughing when the song went chucked out on her fanny.


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